Right, I set out this week to write a blog as I do every week. The only trouble is it normally turns into more of a rant than a blog so I’m going to try my hardest not to rant. No ranting at all. Ranting is banned. Rant over.
This week’s edition includes the egomaniacal Paolo Di Canio, the half empty stadiums (again), a snide comment about Man Utd (standard) and Mark Lawrenson describing Di Canio’s management style as akin to Attila the Hun, which he elaborated would be better suited to managing in the lower leagues… must… not… rant…
So, on Saturday I was sat on my sofa, feeling at peace with the world, sipping a cup of tea, nibbling on a bourbon biscuit, watching Football Focus – I know, a beautiful vision isn’t it? – truly believing that I would find something positive to write about in the world of football this weekend. The next 5 minutes ruined it all. Step forward Paolo Di Canio and Mark Lawrenson.
Di Canio said “There are sometimes managers that are not good enough for some groups of players, but there are also some groups of players that are not good enough for a manager. In this case it’s the second”. Of course, Di Canio is talking about his ill-fated 13 games in charge at Sunderland. Wow, how much of an egomaniac do you have to be to believe that an entire squad of players is wrong and you are right? Firstly, I think Di Canio was ill-advised to appear on the show and give this interview. If anything he’s made things worse for himself which is some feat considering most people who know anything about football see him as a laughing stock. He is deluded to believe he will manage in the Premier League again and any football league club who take him on should do so at their peril. He was a fantastic player but as we know that does not always translate to football management. He won League Two with Swindon Town. “Now, that’s pretty impressive” I hear you say. Cue the Family Fortunes “i-errr” sound effect. The Vital Swindon website (in which Di Canio is listed at the top of their ‘Hall of Shame’) explains how he “spent stupid amounts of money to buy success”. The January after promotion Swindon found themselves in serious financial difficulties despite high-profile money-spinning cup ties and Di Canio jumped from the sinking ship leaving the Swindon fans to pick up the pieces.
So he bought, sorry ‘won’, the League Two title in his first managerial job which meant that ‘the powers that be’ at Sunderland (you know the ones, the experts on football who run your club from the board room) decided he would be a brilliant choice as their manager because… well, because he’d won something hadn’t he? So, he must be good, right? He’s a what? He’s a fascist? Oh. Do you think anyone will notice? No? Brilliant. Hire him. We’ll be in the Champions League this time next year. Pass me the box of Cigars.
So once the Di Canio interview was over and the steam coming out of my ears had subsided Mark Lawrenson came on my screen. This is my fourth blog and to be honest I think I should get some sort of prize for not ranting about Lawrenson sooner. I’ve got a good idea, I’ll start by saying something positive about him because I’m not going to rant today, am I? Um… his upper lip is looking better these days…
Lawrenson went on to talk about Di Canio’s management style saying, “I think you can get away with managing like Attila the Hun lower down but in the Premier League, no”. Just so we’re clear, I am determined not to rant today but as I’m typing this my face has gone a slight shade of purple and is… well, the only way to describe it is to say that my face right now is pretty similar to my constipation face. But I’m not ranting so it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s FINE.
The lower leagues are not inferior, Mark. They deserve respect, Mark. They are still professional athletes, Mark. He basically insinuated that League Two is a 3rd world country that should be happy to receive the Premier League’s recycled trash. You know when you go to the bottle bank at your local supermarket and you can choose to put your old clothes in the Samaritans bank or the Red Cross one? Well, in Mark Lawrenson’s world he’s offering up rubbish managers in the belief that we’ll be grateful because once they scored a volley in the Premier League! It’s the same when a referee performs badly in the Premier League. They get called in to the referees office and are told “sorry mate, you’ve made one too many mistakes now, you’re going to have to… (dramatic pause) referee a football league game. If there was anything else I could do, I would but my hands are tied. I’m so sorry”.
In other news Sheffield United have misplaced 16,000 fans. They had a gate of 16,324 at their F.A. Cup match against Premier League outfit Fulham. Not bad for a League One side but still only half full (their capacity is 32,702). Or half empty as I prefer to say at the moment (I blame Mark Lawrenson for my sudden negative attitude towards life – my cup of tea and bourbon biscuit seem a far off dream now). To put this into perspective United had a crowd of 18,545 for their home league match against Port Vale in October. Why is the F.A. Cup no longer valued by fans? United’s wasn’t the only half empty stadium this weekend. There were loads! Everyone keeps harping on about romance but how can there be romance in a half empty stadium. How can the next generation of fans get excited about this historic competition if they don’t experience an authentic F.A. Cup atmosphere? Thankfully, the draw for the 5th round hasn’t disappointed. Shame Man Utd aren’t in it though…
Game of Two Halves Football 